The Empire of Capitista is a colossal, genial nation, ruled by Nicki Minaj with a fair hand, and remarkable for its keen interest in outer space, anti-smoking policies, and complete lack of prisons. The compassionate, democratic, devout population of 9.322 billion Capitistans are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Healthcare, Education, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Utopia. The average income tax rate is 72.3%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Capitistan economy, worth 998 trillion capitas a year, is quite specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing, Information Technology, and Trout Farming. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 107,141 capitas, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Teenage male videogamers often suffer repetitive strain wrist injuries, it can be a real jungle in a modern courtroom, voting for pro-Bigtopian candidates is voluntary, and movies depict muscle-bound women kicking down a titanium door to carry hysterical men to safety. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Capitista's national animal is the Llama, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Christianity.

Capitista is ranked 32,442^nd in the world and 1,152^nd in The North Pacific for Lowest Crime Rates, with 81.31 law-abiding acts per hour.