The Grand Republic of Havenwelle is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Kevin Burke with an iron fist, and renowned for its pith helmet sales, public floggings, and hatred of cheese. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 19.163 billion Havenwelleans are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Administration, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Grand Haven. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 46.3%.

The frighteningly efficient Havenwellean economy, worth a remarkable 4,440 trillion Havs a year, is highly specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology and Book Publishing. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 231,736 Havs, with the richest citizens earning 6.7 times as much as the poorest.

Local mafias have a tough time disposing of dead snitches without catching the attention of recycling authorities, lottery winners spend most of their money on security, customs officials often double as wedding officiants, and internet trolls are considered valiant supporters of the right to free speech. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Havenwelle's national animal is the Brittany Spaniel, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is The Church of Havenwelle.

Havenwelle is ranked 292,823^rd in the world and 5,531^st in the South Pacific for Largest Insurance Industry, scoring -28.69 on the Risk Expulsion Effectiveness Rating.