The Grand Kingdom of North-Bardonia is a massive, safe nation, ruled by King Erich I Leftenson with an iron fist, and notable for its compulsory military service, parental licensing program, and ubiquitous missile silos. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, devout population of 1.702 billion North-Bardonians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Education, Defense, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Carthiada. The average income tax rate is 62.2%.

The frighteningly efficient North-Bardonian economy, worth 277 trillion Krown-Starlings a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Book Publishing, and Woodchip Exports. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 163,126 Krown-Starlings, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.7 times as much as the poorest.

Weighted heels are added to military boots to ensure diminutive celebrities meet minimum requirements, the face of King Erich I Leftenson is a permanent feature of the Carthiada skyline, sneezing pedestrians are grabbed by alley-lurking doctors, and those found guilty of illicit affairs are jailed. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. North-Bardonia's national animal is the Phoenix, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is The Old Faith.

North-Bardonia is ranked 257,636^th in the world and 155^th in Lands End for Nicest Citizens, with 0.92 average smiles per day.