The Kingdom of Noire Denholm is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by The All Powerful Monty Phugotuborn with an even hand, and renowned for its pith helmet sales, keen interest in outer space, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, cynical, devout population of 14.427 billion Noire Denholmians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The large, corrupt, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Education, Industry, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Gasselterboerveenschemond. The average income tax rate is 95.8%.

The frighteningly efficient Noire Denholmian economy, worth a remarkable 2,814 trillion Skuls a year, is quite specialized and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Arms Manufacturing, and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 195,056 Skuls, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Citizens are regularly arrested in queues for 'loitering', the new Refuse Hills housing development is under construction, arguments about toilet seats being left up or down get surprisingly heated, and the national colors help to make everyone look slimmer. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Noire Denholm's national animal is the Great Mock Lynx, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is The Dark Cult of Bothughachau.

Noire Denholm is ranked 226,483^rd in the world and 4,122^nd in the South Pacific for Largest Cheese Export Sector, scoring -4.73 on the Mozzarella Productivity Index.