The Kingdom of Merconitonitopia is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by King Montebad II with an iron fist, and remarkable for its ritual sacrifices, avowedly heterosexual populace, and public floggings. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 23.386 billion Onitonites are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Spirituality, Environment, and Healthcare also on the agenda. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Bahmedag. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Onitonite economy, worth an astonishing 12,926 trillion virtues a year, is driven almost entirely by government activity, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, highly specialized black market in Arms Manufacturing. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. State-owned companies are the norm. Average income is a breathtaking 552,759 virtues, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Parents live in fear of governmental 'child protection' squads, government policies change at the drop of a rabbit, kids refer to anything below the neck as "the parts that shall not be named", and god-fearing citizens can be seen in prayer circles around the Big Max impact crater. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Merconitonitopia's national animal is the dove, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Mandaeism.

Merconitonitopia is ranked 291,062^nd in the world and 6,350^th in The North Pacific for Safest, scoring 2.4 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.