by Max Barry

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The Fattest Citizens in the Pacific

World Census takers tracked the sale of Cheetos and Twinkies to ascertain which nations most enjoyed the "kind bud."

As a region, the Pacific is ranked 12,976th in the world for Fattest Citizens.

NationWA CategoryMotto
11.The NS Whale Hunters of Stevist GuamPsychotic Dictatorship“For Steve!”
12.The V͔̞̟o͉̟̦͈i̫͖̹̠̰̝̙ͅd͔͚̫̫͝ ͜͠ of Mayo and Other CondimentsIron Fist Consumerists“[REDACTED]”
13.The Perfect Nation of Newer GehennaIron Fist Consumerists“Praise to Dr.Sigmundus”
14.The Free Land of DensonIron Fist Consumerists“Obey or Die”
15.The Corporations Republic of CartalmaCapitalizt“Paradise™”
16.The Democratic States of RifajalCorporate Police State“Truth prevails”
17.The Rogue Nation of East NikkoAnarchy“Whatever you want”
18.The Heralds of Immolation of Laws and BylawsCorrupt Dictatorship“Where there's a will, there's litigious license.”
19.The Ace Basketball Player of KagamiIron Fist Consumerists“Life is about challenges”
20.The Imperial Glory of NarkasaCapitalist Paradise“Prosperity equals Power.”
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