The Secret Detective of Old Bendicion is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by Ben with an even hand, and notable for its pith helmet sales, free-roaming dinosaurs, and prohibition of alcohol. The compassionate, devout population of 4.999 billion Bendians are prohibited from doing almost everything except voting, which they do timidly and conservatively.

The medium-sized, moralistic government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Education, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Bendianii Kaliptzy. The average income tax rate is 46.4%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The all-consuming Old Bendicionian economy, worth 486 trillion Dolleuros a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Woodchip Exports industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Retail, and Beef-Based Agriculture. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 97,318 Dolleuros, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.0 times as much as the poorest.

Nature reserves often contain artificial waterfalls and concrete paths, tie-dye has been outlawed for being 'too occult', muscular women are banned from competing in sporting competitions, and popular cartoon characters frequently appear in government-sponsored PSAs reminding students to say no to drugs. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Old Bendicion's national animal is the Bendian Eagle, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution.

Old Bendicion is ranked 163,285^th in the world and 5,330^th in Osiris for Most Primitive, scoring -61.33 on the Scary Big Number Scale.