The Free Land of Privatore is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Capitan Privatore with an even hand, and notable for its national health service, pith helmet sales, and absence of drug laws. The hard-nosed, humorless population of 21.818 billion Privatoreans have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The tiny, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Privatore City. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Privatorean economy, worth an astonishing 10,517 trillion Privs a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Arms Manufacturing, and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 482,060 Privs, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Foreign musicians that Capitan Privatore dislikes are turned away at the border, customer satisfaction with online delivery services is at an all time high, older citizens lament over the loss of law and order, and nations that kill a Privatorean can expect a strongly worded letter. Crime is totally unknown. Privatore's national animal is the Weasel, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Privatore is ranked 359^th in the world and 8^th in the South Pacific for Largest Cheese Export Sector, scoring 12,751.41 on the Mozzarella Productivity Index.