The Republic of Baalkistann is a colossal, genial nation, ruled by Alexei Navalny with an even hand, and remarkable for its multi-spousal wedding ceremonies, daily referendums, and ubiquitous missile silos. The compassionate, democratic, devout population of 8.074 billion Balkans are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The large, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Defense, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Moscow. The average income tax rate is 98.3%.

The frighteningly efficient Balkan economy, worth a remarkable 1,671 trillion rubles a year, is led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Tourism, and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 207,073 rubles, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.6 times as much as the poorest.

Evenings at university debating societies often end with everyone acknowledging both sides may well be right, visiting dignitaries make excuses to leave functions early and head to the nearest pub, power stations shutting down at night has made bedtime reading tricky, and political cartoons depicting Alexei Navalny's face on a bear's buttocks are selling like hotcakes. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Baalkistann's national animal is the bear, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Eastern Orthodoxy.

Baalkistann is ranked 2,717^th in the world and 115^th in Osiris for Lowest Crime Rates, with 133.72 law-abiding acts per hour.