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Holy water? ... Here? We can never keep the stuff in stock--it keeps flash-evaporating every time we bring it through the door. Which I guess beats flash-exploding, right?
Here's a glass of regular water. If you're such a powerful theocracy, bless it yourself.
Zany Zanes, Dehlk, and Southeast Aarde
I'm good at what I do, ain't I? It's a gift.
Zany Zanes, Arghoth, and Southeast Aarde
Very nice, like the hybrid child of Twyla Tharpe and George Balanchine, with the energy of early Josephine Baker.
Good job, Brocky~
I was sort of under the impression that spiders were the original spider monsters.
The bartender sets aside a glass.
Fine. One hug.
The shadowy figure pauses its flickering, solidifying both physically and visually, into something much more humanoid than usual. They extend an arm and pull the spidery baker into a quick hug. With a pat on the back they let go and return to their shadowy form.
Feel better?
The shadows clap enthusiastically.
What a brave show of emotion, and such depth! Bravo!
They say if you love what you do, you'll never work a day of your life. Tell me, does your paycheck reflect this?
The spider produces some odd hissings that sound kind of joyous
Thank you! :::3
Where is my blood
Do they also say if you spend all day napping in the store room, you'll never work a day in your life? I know which I'd rather do.
What's a "paycheck"?
(Some days the jokes just write themselves/)
Probably on the inside of your veins, but I haven't confirmed that. Shall we find out?
*Advances on you menacingly with a machete in one hand and a plastic spork in the other*
Hello Arghoth.
Two Plates of fried pickles and a bottle of Kvas please
Ugh! What a terrible, unholy exstablishment! I'll never come back!
Proceeds to leave no tip.
*I place a bottle of Kvas on the table and two steaming plates of Fried Pickles come out of the kitchen, and are placed on the table*
Hm...
one might not be enough
*I pull out the rest of the six-pack of the Kvas, totaling five bottles*
Enjoy
*The silverware on the table jumps into the air as the six-pack is placed on the table*
probably not supposed to be that heavy, but whatever, enjoy.
*Iron bars teleport onto the door, preventing the annoyed customer from leaving*
You might wanna leave that tip, my friend, I have an ace up my sleeve
Hah. You mean the "ace in the hole" that is your owner? Tell Alastor that Jacques says hello and that he hopes he's making a good life in hell, will you?
The bartender looks up confused.
Where exactly have you been envisioning yourself that this comes as a surprise? Ah, well, since you're never coming back I guess it doesn't matter.
I think we're lucky if the customers pay for their drinks, much less a gratuity. The customers of course, are lucky if they leave at all, but that's neither here nor there.
I thought I had left once, but somehow all my journeying has led me back to the bar. Wishful thinking I suppose. Anyway, I'd like a whisky on the rocks please.
Dear tender bartender, can I have some goat milk?
Ah, hello Husk! Great to see you, Dearie~
Yeah, yeah. Heard all that before.
What's a "tip"?
Zany Zanes and Arghoth
I'm discreetly unaware of how you decided any of our bartending staff are "tender." Most of us are semi-gristle-y at best.
Sure. *Deposits a handful of goat milk on the table* Glasses are an extra charge.
All roads lead to Rome ... or the Bar, eh?
Here you go, one whiskey, on the finest rocks our parking lot can provide.
The shadows set down a bowl of goats milk.
Here you are, Kitty Cat. Enjoy!
You're giving away the bowls for free? I'm telling the boss!
Yo bartender, can you give me a drink to calm this weary man's shaken soul?
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