The Kingdom of PlanetMercury is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Freddie Mercury with an even hand, and renowned for its smutty television, daily referendums, and disturbing lack of elderly people. The hard-nosed, humorless, devout population of 9.101 billion PlanetMercuries are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kensington. The average income tax rate is 76.9%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient PlanetMercuryian economy, worth a remarkable 3,116 trillion pounds a year, is fairly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Woodchip Exports, and Uranium Mining. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 342,478 pounds, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.2 times as much as the poorest.

The government is a clear-cut case of tyranny by majority, motels cater primarily to adulterers, insanely good theatre productions face government censorship, and reporters who negatively comment on politicians' haircuts are cut from the news. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. PlanetMercury's national animal is the Cat, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

PlanetMercury is ranked 39,725^th in the world and 885^th in The North Pacific for Largest Cheese Export Sector, scoring 4,491.4 on the Mozzarella Productivity Index.