The Imperial Republic of Zaldania is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Jaron Ilandarian with a fair hand, and remarkable for its complete lack of prisons, punitive income tax rates, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful population of 24.535 billion Zaldanians hold their civil and political rights very dear, although the wealthy and those in business tend to be viewed with suspicion.

The large, liberal, outspoken government prioritizes Education, although Healthcare, Environment, and Welfare are also considered important, while Spirituality receives no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Ethopi. The average income tax rate is 99.1%.

The frighteningly efficient Zaldanian economy, worth a remarkable 5,661 trillion Zaldis a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism and Book Publishing. Average income is an amazing 230,733 Zaldis, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The first test of a good kindergartener is the quality of the sponge-baths they give, Zaldania recently hosted the least successful trade negotiations since The Phantom Menace, things are looking up for patients accidentally prescribed erectile dysfunction medication, and traumatised refugees have a full bedpan shoved into their hands along with their immigration papers. Crime is totally unknown. Zaldania's national animal is the Bear, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Mango Snapple.

Zaldania is ranked 291,114^th in the world and 3^rd in Southeastern Wisconsin for Most Primitive, scoring -780.49 on the Scary Big Number Scale.