The Incorporated States of The Whitney is a massive, efficient nation, notable for its keen interest in outer space and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working population of 2.459 billion Whitneyians are either ruled by a sleek, efficient government or a conglomerate of multinational corporations; it's difficult to tell which.

The tiny, pro-business government juggles the competing demands of Education, Law & Order, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of New Orleans. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 7.3%.

The very strong Whitneyian economy, worth 198 trillion Mardi Gras Doubloons a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Gambling industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Automobile Manufacturing. Average income is 80,559 Mardi Gras Doubloons, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 321,516 per year while the poor average 13,576, a ratio of 23.7 to 1.

Older ladies are inundated with offers to help them cross the road, new funding allows inner city teachers to replace school laptops almost as fast as they get stolen, teddy bear James Dean (aka "the Rebel Without the Claws") helps convince kids that candy cigarettes are cool, and Leader has just been declared ruler of The Whitney in an international press conference. Crime is moderate, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. The Whitney's national animal is the Pelican.

The Whitney is ranked 85,543^rd in the world and 5^th in New Orleans for Most Primitive, scoring 21.74 on the Scary Big Number Scale.