The Armed Republic of TehUnitedStates is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by George Washington with a fair hand, and remarkable for its museums and concert halls, conspicuous electricity pylons, and absence of drug laws. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, cheerful, devout population of 24.769 billion TehUnitedStatesians live in a state of perpetual fear, as a complete breakdown of social order has led to the rise of order through biker gangs.

The tiny, liberal, pro-business, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Education, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Washington DC. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient TehUnitedStatesian economy, worth a remarkable 9,267 trillion Dollars a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Arms Manufacturing. Average income is an amazing 374,166 Dollars, but there is an enormous disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 2,103,508 per year while the poor average 32,886, a ratio of 64.0 to 1.

You're only as old as you feel, blackface performers claim they are being deliberately ironic, intellectual snobbery has the cognoscenti sneering at anyone who doesn't have an opinion on the semiological drift of Umberto Eco's works, and adults pretending to be teenage girls claim to have wholesome motives. Crime is totally unknown. TehUnitedStates's national animal is the Bald Eagle, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

TehUnitedStates is ranked 1,975^th in the world and 65^th in Balder for Highest Food Quality, scoring 281.95 on the Meeshlin-Starr Index.