The Collectively Confused States of Kagtopia is a colossal, safe nation, ruled by Borschtis Kartofflen with an iron fist, and notable for its smutty television, complete lack of prisons, and punitive income tax rates. The compassionate, cynical population of 6.544 billion Kagtopians are ruled with an iron fist by the socialist government, which grants its people the freedom to do whatever they like so long as it doesn't involve getting richer than anybody else or challenging the government.

The government — a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked, socially-minded, well-organized morass — juggles the competing demands of Education, Healthcare, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Vettia. The average income tax rate is 94.9%.

The powerhouse Kagtopian economy, worth 651 trillion Kroner a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is led by the Book Publishing industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Information Technology, and Basket Weaving. Average income is 99,604 Kroner, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Pollsters are out of a job as elections have been cancelled, fraternities are notorious for drunken hooliganism, the Treasury has been accused of flushing money down the toilet, and celebrities sit helplessly as they are labeled "pompous womples" by Borschtis Kartofflen. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Kagtopia's national animal is the Turtle, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans, and its national religion is Atheism.

Kagtopia is ranked 273,574^th in the world and 299^th in The Leftist Assembly for Largest Cheese Export Sector, scoring -8.94 on the Mozzarella Productivity Index.