The United Socialist States of Colbala Con is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Putin with an iron fist, and remarkable for its enslaved workforce, restrictive gun laws, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 16.732 billion Colbala Conians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Law & Order, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Moscow. The average income tax rate is 74.9%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Colbala Conian economy, worth a remarkable 3,086 trillion dollars a year, is mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Retail, Uranium Mining, Arms Manufacturing, and Furniture Restoration. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 184,465 dollars, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.5 times as much as the poorest.

No one believes anything until it has been strenuously tested and peer-reviewed, closed universities are currently being converted into McRonald's restaurants, prime commercial land is being swamped with archaeological teams, and Colbala Conian watches are often the only thing to survive a disaster intact. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Colbala Con's national animal is the cow, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Hunting Capitalists.

Colbala Con is ranked 290,195^th in the world and 23^rd in Russia for Highest Food Quality, scoring 2.7 on the Meeshlin-Starr Index.