The Loving Couple of -Sapphic Witches is a massive, orderly nation, ruled by Selkidomus with an iron fist, and renowned for its rum-swilling pirates, frequent executions, and smutty television. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical population of 3.7 billion -Sapphic Witchesians are rabid consumers, partly through choice and partly because the government tells them to and dissenters tend to vanish from their homes at night.

The medium-sized, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Sentient Teeth. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 38.9%.

The frighteningly efficient -Sapphic Witchesian economy, worth 307 trillion snails a year, is quite specialized and dominated by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Retail, Uranium Mining, and Information Technology. Black market activity is frequent. Average income is 83,216 snails, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 665,932 per year while the poor average 2,428, a ratio of 274 to 1.

Women have a strange proclivity for dressing up as caped weasels, students are known to arrive at school in their pyjamas, official Sermon-Free Zones are set-up around the nation's hotels, and pharmacists increasingly claim they are morally obligated to take long lunches. Crime, especially youth-related, is relatively low, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. -Sapphic Witches's national animal is the owl, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Cards.

-Sapphic Witches is ranked 190,631^st in the world and 15^th in Kavonia for Lowest Crime Rates, with 57.53 law-abiding acts per hour.