by Max Barry

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Well sometimes I just come back with a different account(:

Why We Should Condemn The Communist Bloc
By Orcuo


It Would Be Really Funny

Let’s get the obvious one out of the way; it would be extremely hilarious to condemn TCB. Why? Simple. Because Condemning them would irreversibly change their reputation towards a more negative light, effectively screwing them over. That is where the funnies would come from. My fellow sadists agree that messing over other people for the fun of it is very humorous. Especially messing with the reputation of a big region (like TCB) would undoubtedly induce giggles across the globe.



Too Many Commies

I hate commies, you hate commies, we all hate commies. Unfortunately TCB is filled with a lot of them. Nine out of seven researchers agree that the world was better off without communism, that is why it is important that we stop the spread of it; and the only way we can stop communism is by Condemning TCB. Then, and only then, can freedom and democracy be achieved.


They’re Brainwashing Our Children

TCB is inherently left-wing. As such, it means that they are brainwashing our children. Filling their brains with dangerous ideas, such as health care and public education. It gives me the chills just thinking about it. Allowing them to continue on could spell disaster for the future. However, if we Condemn them now then their still may be hope that the next generation won’t be doomed.


They Caused Global Warming

Little known fact, but TCB has an air force. This Air Force is rather large, and contributes towards global carbon emissions. This means that TCB is indirectly directly responsible for global warming. Condemning then is the only repercussion that would be satisfactory.


I Said So

Let’s face it, I am the most epic nation ever. So when I say you should do something, you should probably do it. I am so cool in fact, that I posted a definitely real gif of definitely me walking away from a definite explosion, definitely not looking back at it. That is how awesome I am. And if you believe I am awesome (voluntarily or otherwise), you’ll support my notion to Condemn The Communist Block.


(The previous essay was a Joke™ from OrcTech®, All Rights Reserved)

Read dispatch

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