The Kingdom of Eshialand is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by King William I with a fair hand, and remarkable for its rum-swilling pirates, deadly medical pandemics, and multi-spousal wedding ceremonies. The compassionate, hard-working, democratic, cheerful, devout population of 9.741 billion Eshians live in a state of perpetual fear, as a complete breakdown of social order has led to the rise of order through biker gangs.

The minute, corrupt, liberal, pro-business, outspoken government, or what there is of one, prioritizes Industry, with Administration, Education, and Social Policy also on the agenda, while Law & Order and Environment aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Eshialand City. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Eshian economy, worth a remarkable 2,221 trillion dollars a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Gambling, and Soda Sales. Average income is an amazing 228,060 dollars, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 759,066 per year while the poor average 51,058, a ratio of 14.9 to 1.

Politicians tend to speak more loudly and slowly these days, internet sites are legally unable to stop their users from posting pornography, visiting dignitaries often end up cuddling in the hot tub with King William I, and inter-species marriages are ignored by the government. Crime, especially youth-related, is so common that it is unusual to encounter someone following the law, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Eshialand's national animal is the owl, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, and its national religion is Pastafarianism.

Eshialand is ranked 90,029^th in the world and 41^st in Esportiva for Most Subsidized Industry, scoring 1,767.56 on the Gilded Widget Scale.