The Quasi-Utopia of Toastsylvania is a massive, socially progressive nation, ruled by Toastchan with an even hand, and remarkable for its rum-swilling pirates, ban on automobiles, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, democratic, devout population of 1.548 billion Toastsylvanians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The government — a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked, socially-minded morass — juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Toastsylvania City. The average income tax rate is 86.8%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The sizeable but inefficient Toastsylvanian economy, worth 76.0 trillion Rolles a year, is highly specialized and mostly made up of the Book Publishing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 49,076 Rolles, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Children are sent to either religious or secular schools, people talk about things being better when men were men, people have become comfortably numb, and serial commas clarify the relationship between one's lackeys, the taxpayers, and kinsfolk. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Toastsylvania's national animal is the Nyan Cat, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Toastsylvania is ranked 282,959^th in the world and 6,020^th in The North Pacific for Largest Gambling Industry, scoring -13.44 on the Kelly Criterion Productivity Index.