The Empire of Cornhoolio is a massive, safe nation, ruled by Patrick Star with an iron fist, and remarkable for its pith helmet sales, flagrant waste-dumping, and infamous sell-swords. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 3.196 billion Cornhoolioans are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Lake Titicaca. The average income tax rate is 93.2%.

The frighteningly efficient Cornhoolioan economy, worth 825 trillion TPS a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, broadly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Uranium Mining, and Beef-Based Agriculture. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 258,175 TPS, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.5 times as much as the poorest.

Professionals are ready to retire by the time they receive permission to use their credentials, the nation's new Mylab space station is notorious for being the loneliest place above the planet, parking's carefree without parking car fees, and sending sick politicians "Get Well Soon" cards is considered bribery. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Cornhoolio's national animal is the Cockatoo, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Cornhoolio is ranked 292,275^th in the world and 6,379^th in The North Pacific for Nicest Citizens, with 0.15 average smiles per day.