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The Commonwealth’s Column, Print Edition

Słonecznemiasto, Swowianska Rodezja

Information Regarding Bush Slavican War Criminal Acquired

A source from within the Department of State Crimes Division (DoSCD), it appears that the nation of North Africa (Commonwealth of Tamazgha) has been holding a longtime Bush Slavican war criminal. The war criminal in question is a Mr. Bandile Bongani, who was a commanding officer for the Bush Rhodesian Military from 1991 to 2001, wherein 2001 the Bush Rhodesian Military was disbanded at the behest of the federal government when the war crimes trials came to an end. Mr. Bandile Bongani is one of about a dozen Bush Slavican war criminals that escaped according to the DoSCD, making him a highly valued target for repatriation and trail. According to the data, Mr. Bandile Bongani killed over a thousand of His Majesty’s Royal Infantry Servicemen when they were trying to surrender after having been surrounded outside the now destroyed ghost town of Kryshki (IRL Katete). Rather than taking prisoners of war, Mr. Bandile Bongani ordered the men and the entire town shelled until they were “wiped from the face of the Earth, blight them like God blighted the Egyptians with the ten plagues.” This has been confirmed in documents, testimonials in court and confessionals before execution. Mr. Bandile Bongani faces the death penalty for his crimes against humanity.

Upon hearing the news from the DoSCD, President Izaak Zygmunt reissued his international arrest warrant with an arrest award of PĄZ1M (USD$100K). President Zygmunt also issued a statement to the Tamazghan government and the staff within the Tamazghan embassy in Słonecznemiasto, Swowianska Rodezja. The statement reads: “We would appreciate the cooperative return of a suspected war criminal so he can face justice. Your proxy war against the government of the people I represent cost ten million lives and billions of Pieniądze PĄZ, and here we are paying for both of these still today. It should be known I have issued an international arrest warrant for him in the sum of PĄZ1M (USD$100K), and should your government choose to repatriate him to Slavic Rhodesia we will see to it that those funds will be paid. If not, we will resort to other means of repatriation or coercion in order to meet our end goal of bringing justice to those who regard life with little regard.” This remark was made right before the president before he announced a bid for his seventh presidential campaign run.

President Zygmunt Declares for Reelection

After the remarks made about the Tamazghan government hosting a wanted Bush Slavican war criminal, the president announced a bid for his seventh presidential campaign run. Elected at the turn of the millennium, he’s been the only president that the country has had since the mandates government reforms took place almost twenty five years ago. President Zygmunt, who used to be a much more controversial figure, has certainly mellowed as he’s aged; however, with the signs of cognitive decline, can President Zygmunt make it another four years term at age eighty six? His recent laws truly have been a net positive, the federal courts continue ruling favorably for the nations Bush Slavican people under his leadership and large civil programs are employing many Slavicans. But is this enough? President Zygmunt is clearly aging, corrupt, and many say a closeted racist. Needless to say, President Zygmunt has an uphill battle.

Hefty Arms Deal Between Slavic Rhodesia and United States

The state of Slavic Rhodesia has petitioned the United States (Imperial Eagle) for the acquisition of some extremely controversial weapons once again. The government, with the permission of President Zygmunt, confirmed this week the acquisition of some 1,000 mT of the Sarin nerve gas amidst the hacking and information leaks at the behest of North Africa (Commonwealth of Tamazgha). Slavic Rhodesia also confirmed the acquisition of some 1,000 mT of both Napalm and White Phosphorus, neither of which are internationally classified as weapons of mass destruction but are both nonetheless devastating in their own right. According to the DoWID, the new arms deal will cost some PĄZ30B (USD$3B) over a three year period (IRL 156 days, 26 AUGUST 2024) while the previous arms deal for the last back of chemical gas weapons cost a much more meager PĄZ1.5B (USD$150M).

1.) 7.5M L Agent Orange Dioxin Defoliant
2.) 1,000 mT VX Thiophosphonate Nerve Gas
3.) 1,000 mT Carbonyl Dichloride Phosgene Nerve Gas
4.) 1,000 M198 Towed Howitzer

Some are beginning to worry, especially those in the MoWID, that President Zygmunt and his cognitive decline are contributing to his increased paranoia. He has been caught several times in recent weeks, wherein a raging President Zygmunt recalls the Civil War of the 1990s. His claims that North Africa is culpable for war crimes committed in Slavic Rhodesia are not unfounded. The claim is the vast sums of money and support that the radical Bush Slavicans received lead to the deaths of an additional four million people. When asked about his controversial weapons purchases, the president said “deterrence is expensive, but war is unacceptable for the people of Slavic Rhodesia. I’m doing this as a representative of the people of Slavic Rhodesia and to honor the memory of my fallen son.”