The Holy Hand-grenade of Frustrated Franciscans

The Holy Hand-grenade is a mysterious relic of vast and unknown power. Considered to be of alien and perhaps divine origin, its description and usage was described by the prophet (and high engineer) Drax in a work that is today known as the “Book of Armaments.” The current copy is actually a translation of an unknown language by Franciscan Monks.

And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O LORD, bless this Thy hand grenade that with it Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits, in Thy mercy." And the LORD did grin and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats and large chu … And the LORD spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it."

It is generally believed that the translation is more of a running commentary on the actual book, as the actual book is about one tenth the size of the translated book. Moreover it is commonly believed that the words “to tiny bits” should be more properly translated as “dematerialized” and the words “shall snuff it” should be more properly translated as “be removed from time and space.”

The weapon is a unique artifact, at least it is believed to be a unique artifact and has never, ever been used in the defense of Frustrated Franciscans (at least it is firmly believed that it has never been used, in part because it is destroyed when used and in part because according to the Book of Armaments, once it is used people will forget it was ever used in the first place).

Currently, the Holy Hand-Grenade is in the possession of the Third Order Regular; the current keeper is Brother Maynard.