(SCRAPPED) C.R.A.P. (Connecticuter Rash-inducing Apple Pie)

Hey you, us, workers! Do you we need a food that will keep you us going through the 8-hour day of laboring in the state factories?

In Connecticut, a highly agricultural state, locals like to eat a food they call C.R.A.P. (Connecticuter Rash-inducing Apple Pie). The Ministry of the Environment's Bureau of Agriculture has decided to make it into a product -- a delicious, energy-giving treat! It is an apple pie infused with poison ivy, which will give you a skin rash -- it is certain to make you work harder and faster so that you can get to your breaks and remove the rash more quickly.

Just try C.R.A.P.! No cost, no gimmicks, no credit card, no dovebeaks. The best taste of South Pacific Socialism you'll we'll ever have, comrades!

Sizes
Small (Snack) - 3.75 cm (1.48 in) radius
Medium (Entree) - 7.5 cm (2.95 in) radius
Large (Dessert) - 11.25 cm (4.43 in) radius

C.R.A.P. is available at Walmart, and is freely distributed by the Ministries of the Environment and Welfare.