by Max Barry

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«12. . .1,1571,1581,1591,1601,1611,1621,163. . .1,2071,208»

Rahul Raghuraman wrote:That's much more boring than I expected. I was hoping you'd banned all TV shows that aren't about food, or something equally ridiculous.

Yes, much more boring.

Nazbeth: How would you like to read the next chapter of The End? It's the longest chapter I've ever written, and it's even longer than the Nirvana chapter you wrote one and a half years ago.

Nazbeth

“Incoming call from General Rellig, sir,” reported the clipped voice of Director Jia, Kovalin Rynas’s longtime ally and protegé. “He has the data you requested.”

“Thank you, Jia,” Rynas acknowledged. “Put him through.”

A double-click sound from his communicator let Rynas know that Jia had complied. “This is General Rellig of Ubiqtor Base,” came the rough voice of the commander. “I have acquired the transmission signature, Emperor Rynas — as I’m told I may call you.”

“It is appropriate,” Rynas affirmed. “As the director may have told you, my empire is not that of Kena Lebowskii. I do not require constant worship and glorification. In fact, I appreciate open discussion, and value the insights of my subordinates. But I digress. How much of the transmission were you able to piece back together?”

“Between fifteen and twenty-five percent, sir. Most of my technicians were otherwise occupied when Director Jia relayed over your orders.”

“Fifteen to twenty-five percent,” Rynas echoed back slowly. “You are aware that one week has passed since I tasked you with recovering the contents of the transmission.”

“I am a thorough worker.”

“Thorough?” Rynas said, making it sound like he was wondering aloud. “Or slow-working and bogged down in insignificant procedure?”

“I’m not sure what you mean, Emperor,” Rellig said, sounding defensive. “I accomplished the objective within a reasonable timespan.”

Accomplished the objective, Rynas wanted to say, but decided to keep to himself. You are truly an army man.

“Never mind that,” Rynas replied instead. “I assume the data you took the past week to acquire is being sent to my office as we speak, so as to prevent making me wait longer.”

A look of surprise passed across Rellig’s face as he heard the emperor’s words. He turned and motioned to someone outside Rynas’s view, then said something inaudible to that person.

“Ah, yes, sir,” Rellig turned his attention back to the emperor, straightening. “Of course.”

“Good,” Rynas said, his typical patience for fumbling officers beginning to fade. “Until next time, General.” He cut the transmission.

Situated safely in the center of the Redoubt, Rynas’s Emperor’s Office was nearly twice as large as his old Director’s Office, and, unlike his last workplace, had the crossed-“E” emblem of the Eternal Empire emblazoned into the desk. Even so, he kept the layout identical to that of his previous office: sparse and simple. His desk, a trapezoid two meters wide and half as long, was placed halfway between the entryway and the opposite wall, with a visitor’s seat behind each of the trapezoid’s legs. His own seat, moved directly from the Director’s Office to this one upon his ascension to the Emperorship, was on the long edge of the desk.

In front of Rynas was his new computer, the newest and finest piece of technology to come from Lenqor Base. Its most relevant feature, one he had explicitly requested of Lenqor’s Chief Engineer, was a decryption component. Luckily for Rynas’s time-sensitive task, it was already loaded with the encryption codes of Imperial Intelligence and all the major Generals and Admirals.

As the emperor plugged in Rellig’s data, he was pleased to see the general’s own encryption code attached to the transmission signature. The upside of Rellig’s relentless adherence to every piece of procedure.

To start, Rynas attempted to use General Rellig’s crypt code on the data. He didn’t expect it to work, as the sender of the unauthorized transmission was almost certainly clever enough not to use the code of the head of the base from which the transmission was sent. But, as Rynas liked to tell his subordinates, “it’s not certain if you haven’t tested it.”

To his surprise, the decryption was successful. This culprit is either much cleverer or much simpler than I thought. Either they’re using Rellig’s code to put me off their scent, or they think I’d really believe he’s the culprit.

Rynas played the decoded transmission:

“Been a while… too long.” came a voice.

Short pause. “Lack of delivery last month,” said a second voice.

Significantly longer pause. “The Empire keeps records … Get to the point,” said the first.

Another short break. “Likely … lost … Seivla Tarren,” the second voice said, in what sounded like an explanation.

A few moments of nothing, then the second figure said: “Most thorough … there or non-existent.”

A period of garbled data about as long as the second pause. “For the money,” the first figure said, notes of disgust in his distorted voice.

Rynas was deep in thought when the recording ended a moment later and the decryption program transcribed the words onto the monitor. The parts that stood out most to him were the likely allusions to Ubiqtor Base in “The Empire keeps records” and “Most thorough … there or non-existent,” and the part of the transmission his computer was having trouble translating into text: “Seivla Tarren.”

Assume they’re talking about Ubiqtor Base, his thought process began. Also note the likely name ‘Seivla Tarren.’ What can be eliminated? The first two lines of the conversation appear irrelevant: the first figure noting the unexpectedly long duration of time since their previous conversation, and the second speaking of the lack of ‘delivery’ — most likely bribery. The final line — “For the money” — is spoken with disdain, implying that it regards the relationship between the two figures rather than the information being conveyed. Thus, this conversation is about Ubiqtor Base’s records and someone called Seivla Tarren.

Knowing this wasn’t enough information to lead him to his destination, Rynas went back to the beginning. Why would an insubordinate — corrupt, traitorous, or simply idiotic — officer at Ubiqtor make a transmission to an unsurveyed location in the Ashes of Crimtonia?

Then it hit him: a memory in the very back of his mind, screaming for attention. The Ashes of Crimtonia. Lost Seivla Tarren. Ubiqtor Base’s records.

Strike Team Fifteen — or as they called themselves prior to Imperial recruitment, the End.

The puzzle solved, everything began to click into place. Seivla Tarren was one of the members of the End when then-Lieutenant Jia had brought them into the service of Imperial Intelligence. When the team later deserted the Empire following the Alomphmerksian coup and the transfer of the country’s cloning chambers to Imperial control, Rynas, at the time Assistant Director, had ordered a task force to pursue them into the Ashes. The End had narrowly defeated the first task force, though losing one of their comrades in the process, and fled the site before the second force could arrive.

And that lost member of the End — Seivla Tarren.

Now that Rynas knew the End was coming to Ubiqtor to discover the fate of Tarren in its records, all he had to do was lay the trap.

In the one week that had passed since Deran Leanes’s conversation with Tenne regarding the fate of Seivla Tarren, he, Prolif Keltor, and Ele Tegiel had devised a plan to infiltrate Ubiqtor Base and acquire a copy of the record containing information on their lost comrade. They had reviewed and revised the plan several times, but today, the scheming was over. Today, they went to Ubiqtor Base.

“We’re thirty kilometers outside Imperial territory,” Ele reported as their vehicle, an old ILAC stolen from the ruins of the End’s battle with Imperial forces over five years ago, crossed the designated boundary. “Time to talk to Tenne.”

“I only hope he’s not too busy groveling to his Imperial superiors to pick up my transmission,” Deran said sourly, activating his transmitter and keying in Tenne’s code.

Fortunately, the commander responded right away. “I am here, sir, just as you instructed me,” he said in a tone so servile that Deran instantly regretted calling him.

“Good,” was all Deran could manage without trying to slap the face of the holographic projection of Tenne. “I want you to confirm that our coordinates are correct.”

“Ubiqtor Base is precisely where I told you it is,” Tenne said almost proudly. “As am I.”

“Good,” Deran said again. “And you’ve checked Ubiqtor’s data banks?”

“I… could not, sir,” Tenne admitted. “I lack the clearance to access the record you desire. That is, after all, why you must come here yourself. Oh, and one more thing—”

Abruptly, the transmission ended. Deran turned his gaze to Ele expectantly. “Well?” he demanded.

“It wasn’t us,” she said after consulting the projector’s information log. “The connection was cut on Tenne’s end.”

Deran sighed heavily. “He’d better hope he’s been exposed,” he growled. If he calls me again… he trailed off silently.

Tenne felt significantly less safe in his room now that he heard the banging of armored fists on the door. “Commander,” a voice outside said. “You have ten seconds to let me in peaceably.”

“I demand an explanation!” Tenne yelled back. “You have no right to invade my quarters!”

Hastily, Tenne turned back to Deran’s image and finished his sentence: “Oh, and one more thing—”

The door behind him burst open, and Tenne shut down the transmitter. “What is the meaning of—” he tried to demand. He was cut off by Commander Onis Tarn, the head of the Imperial Guard, reaching across and picking up the transmitter.

“Well, what’s this,” Tarn said to himself, plugging a transmission tracer into Tenne’s device. “Seven-four-two-three…” he read off the tracer. “The very direction the Emperor told me to look for.”

Tarn unplugged the tracer, pocketing it and the transmitter. He then turned to the terrified Tenne, telling him, “Your luck’s run out, Commander. You’re coming with me willingly or you’re coming with me unconscious.”

“I am Commander Ayopus Tenne,” Tenne countered. “I answer to General Detrane alone. You have no right to invade my quarters!” he repeated.

And that was the last thing he remembered saying before Tarn’s fist hit his body.

Tenne awoke an unknown amount of time later, strapped to an interrogation chair, staring at… Emperor Rynas?

“Why… my Emperor— Emperor Rynas, sir,” he stammered. “I had no idea— Commander Tarn used to be—”

“Silence,” Rynas said, his voice quiet but powerful enough to instantly silence Tenne. “From now on, consider yourself a prisoner of the Emperor. Do not speak unless ordered to speak. Do not attempt to escape, for there is no escape. And now, you will tell me everything I wish to know.”

Finished with his questioning of the traitorous commander, Rynas had borrowed General Rellig’s office, configuring it to show him live security footage of the End as they thought they infiltrated Ubiqtor Base.

Led by Commander Onis Tarn, his elite personal complement, the Imperial Guard, flanked him, awaiting his next command.

Not even an hour had passed before Rynas spotted three figures dressed in an imitation of Imperial Army uniforms so believable that he wouldn’t have spotted the difference had it not been for Tenne’s mandatory cooperation.

“There they are,” Rynas told Tarn. “I want you to follow the infiltrators—” He pointed to the rightmost monitor. “—in such a way that you are ready to surround and capture them at a moment’s notice.”

“Whenever you give the order,” Tarn affirmed, motioning to the rest of the Guard to move out. They left the office in typical silence, and Rynas turned his attention back to the End.

He expected them to enter the records vault, discreetly take the record Tenne told them to find, and return to their escape vehicle, an old nearly-broken Imperial Light Assault Carrier, without ever bringing attention to themselves. They had been some of the best Intelligence agents during their short time as Strike Team Fifteen, and Rynas was never one to underestimate his enemies.

Rynas watched the End navigate a seemingly-random path from the periphery of the base to its deepest section. That they were well-prepared was without question, but Rynas almost felt a twinge of disappointment as what used to be his best strike team decided to access the records vault through the main entryway.

The leader of the group — Deran Leanes — gave his comrades an “all-clear” gesture. All three made for the section of the vault that Tenne had told them to investigate.

Rynas’s communicator chirped. He keyed it. “My people have closed all the peripheral access points of the vault. Shall I proceed with the capture?”

“No,” Rynas said coolly. “Let us wait to see how they try to escape. It is important that we learn as much as possible about their behaviors before strapping them to an interrogation seat. Call off the guards, as well; our prey may decide to leave through a side door.”

Tarn acknowledged with a double-click of his communicator.

After a few more moments of examination, Leanes found the record he was looking for and discreetly removed it from the data banks. It was indeed the actual record detailing Seivla Tarren’s fate: Rynas had decided to keep the records unaltered, lest the End notice the difference.

What will you do now?

After signaling to the others — Keltor and Tegiel, if Rynas remembered their names accurately — the End exited the records vault through the rightmost exit point.

Rynas pulled up a map of Ubiqtor Base over the security feed. The records vault was on the lowest floor, Level Negative Five, and the End’s vehicle was stationed in the garage on Level Zero. That meant their only route to the ground floor was through—

Rynas activated his communicator. “Commander Tarn,” he requested.

“Here, sir,” came the response.

“The infiltrators are headed for the power generators. They intend to shut off Ubiqtor Base’s power, then slip out during the ensuing disorder. Wait for them in the generator room, and knock them unconscious when they arrive.”

“What shall I do with them?”

“Transport them to the Redoubt,” Rynas said. “Do not wait for General Rellig to acquire and provide a prisoner transport. The sooner they arrive, the better.”

“Yes… sir,” Tarn said hesitantly. “I can use my helicopter. However, they may realize where they are headed.”

“A miniscule risk,” Rynas assured him. “Even if they figure out the exact coordinates to which they’ve been taken, that knowledge won’t escape. No one escapes the Redoubt.”

Two days had passed since Prolif told Elt Henon their plan for sneaking into an Imperial base and stealing a record that contained information on Seivla Tarren. Elt, having been the closest to Seivla before she was lost to Imperial gunfire, had wanted to join the mission, but Prolif had reminded him of the possibility of capture.

As per Prolif’s instructions, when fifty hours passed her departure for the Empire, Elt was to contact her to ensure that she, Ele, and Deran had safely and successfully returned from the Imperial base.

Elt typed Prolif’s frequency into his heavily-modifier communicator — at this point essentially a Wastes-exploration utility device — and waited for a response. As the device sent out his transmission, Elt took the moment to observe his surroundings. He was the deepest he’d been into the Wastes since his arrival nearly a month ago. Bizarre sights were no longer bizarre out here; the unexpected had become expected and the normal was now rare. Even his dreams had gotten strange; he once dreamt that a Vice President turned into a massive murderous robot.

His communicator alerted him with a sad triple-beep that no connection could be made to Prolif. For a moment, he assumed the worst, then realized it could be his own communicator that was failing to connect.

Elt typed the command to perform a scan of the area into his communicator, just then registering that he hadn’t done so in nearly a week. When he turned his gaze back to the device, he didn’t believe what he saw.

His broadcast was being interrupted by a massive energy signal emanating from nearby. The readings were off the charts — he had never seen anything like this in his life. Indeed, the only other energy signal this big he knew to exist was…

Was the reading of Odil Rostenstaphen’s reborn army six years ago.

Nazbeth

Wow! This is great! The plan, the trap, Rynas quickly turning into one of my favorite characters of yours. And then the massive cliffhanger at the end... what on earth could that be? (Don’t answer). And how could I forget the Giant Death Robot Reference!!

Nazbeth wrote:Wow! This is great! The plan, the trap, Rynas quickly turning into one of my favorite characters of yours. And then the massive cliffhanger at the end... what on earth could that be? (Don’t answer). And how could I forget the Giant Death Robot Reference!!

Thanks! I'm very happy you like it! What do you think of Rynas besides liking him? And do you have any other QRCCs?

Nazbeth and Richomp

Rahul Raghuraman wrote:Thanks! I'm very happy you like it! What do you think of Rynas besides liking him? And do you have any other QRCCs?

I like his intelligent schemes and his unique way of treating his subordinates. No other QRCCs right now, but I’ll let you know if I have them.

Nazbeth wrote:Rynas quickly turning into one of my favorite characters of yours.

More so than Kadhir, Enolin, and the Council?

Nazbeth wrote:I like his intelligent schemes and his unique way of treating his subordinates. No other QRCCs right now, but I’ll let you know if I have them.

Does he remind you of anyone?

Nazbeth

Rahul Raghuraman wrote:More so than Kadhir, Enolin, and the Council?

Does he remind you of anyone?

1. Those three (though one is a group I guess) are my only favorites ahead of him. I’d say I like him more than the Council—even though I think they’re very cool, I don’t know much about them yet. I’d say as of now I still like Enolin and Kadhir better.

2. ...Thrawn.

Nazbeth wrote:1. Those three (though one is a group I guess) are my only favorites ahead of him. I’d say I like him more than the Council—even though I think they’re very cool, I don’t know much about them yet. I’d say as of now I still like Enolin and Kadhir better.

2. ...Thrawn.

1. Chapter 4 or 5 will deal with the Council, so you'll get a chance to learn more about them soon.

2. I was thinking of Sebastian Grey, since as of Endgame Part 14, their relationships to Crimtonia are surprisingly similar. But now that you mention the only competent person in the Empire, I can see the similarities: they treat their subordinates well and explain their thinking to them, and they're great puzzle- and problem-solvers.

Nazbeth

Rahul Raghuraman wrote:1. Chapter 4 or 5 will deal with the Council, so you'll get a chance to learn more about them soon.

2. I was thinking of Sebastian Grey, since as of Endgame Part 14, their relationships to Crimtonia are surprisingly similar. But now that you mention the only competent person in the Empire, I can see the similarities: they treat their subordinates well and explain their thinking to them, and they're great puzzle- and problem-solvers.

1. Great!

2. I see Sebastian as a little more deferential and smarmy, but yes, I see the similarities.

Nazbeth wrote:1. Great!

2. I see Sebastian as a little more deferential and smarmy, but yes, I see the similarities.

2. If Sebastian were President, I doubt he'd be deferential at all. Same with Rynas: he had to show his superiors some respect and obedience when he wasn't in charge, but now that he's Emperor, he can do whatever he wants.

2b. Smarmy as in your second favorite Imperial, Commander Tenne?

Nazbeth

Rahul Raghuraman wrote:2. If Sebastian were President, I doubt he'd be deferential at all. Same with Rynas: he had to show his superiors some respect and obedience when he wasn't in charge, but now that he's Emperor, he can do whatever he wants.

2b. Smarmy as in your second favorite Imperial, Commander Tenne?

Both quite true, yes. Sebastian’s smarminess is definitely more of a means to an end than a courtesy.

I have a new character, his name is chad

He comes from crescent island cerrent in Parliament. I have no way to describe said city, except a mix of hong kong and miami. He is a crazy frat boy party kid, who signed up for the primary when he was drunk and ended up winning.

Rahul Raghuraman and Nazbeth

Richomp wrote:I have a new character, his name is chad

He comes from crescent island cerrent in Parliament. I have no way to describe said city, except a mix of hong kong and miami. He is a crazy frat boy party kid, who signed up for the primary when he was drunk and ended up winning.

He sounds like a real chad y’know

Post by Richomp suppressed by Nazbeth.

He is. His slogan was free beer, free bitches

Nazbeth

Nazbeth

Wow, there must’ve been a massive surge in turnout from the Greek Life Society to install him. Fun fact: did you know that the Entrepreneur personality type (ESTP—Vice President Samantha Vacker’s) is unofficially known as the “Chad?”

Chads can be funny. But... as Rahul will undoubtedly say, Wildly Inappropriate!

Just found this old Taarius story, written by Rahul:

Rahul Raghuraman wrote:

Sary didn't know why Taarius decided to book a four hour reservation for a conference room in the LuxHotel in East Tiricia, or why he made Ilazi risk her life to make it to his "planning session". Or why he demanded that Sary brought him a box full of Unidalanian candy. But at least he promised not to eat the candy until after the meeting.

"Before Taarius starts," Sary said, "Ilazi, how did you manage to get here? I thought you were undercover in Alomphmerks."

Ilazi glared at Taarius. "I was, and my plan was going perfectly, but this noklakopa [knucklehead] contacted me during negotiations with the Royal Guardsmen and blew my cover. I barely managed to escape. You know, Taarius, the Guardsmen highly value honesty. So when they figured out my identity, they swore to never ally with the Dauiland Alliance. I heard them pledge loyalty to Kena moments before I jumped into the ocean and swam to my—" Sary looked at her. "—Sorry, Sary's submarine."

Taarius stood up. "Now that we have that out of the way," he said, "Let's get to my plan." He climbed onto the table via his chair, then picked it up and hit it against the ceiling.

Sary instinctively jumped out of her chair and used it to knock Taarius off his feet. "Why would you do that!?" she asked.

"Do you want to hear a story?" he said, still sprawled on the ground, excited in a way only a Tarius could be.

"No!" Sary and Ilazi said simultaneously.

"Last summer," he said, getting back onto his feet, smiling like himself in a candy store, totally oblivious to his friends' responses, "this building was Tarius's vacation home. It had a pool, a huge movie theater, even a helipad. It was amazing! But after the Homeowners Association of Tiricia said he was making too much noise with his..."

"Antics?" Sary suggested.

"Midnight antics," Taarius corrected. "Like jumping in his 'copter during a full moon, getting out a few ... dozen ... audio players, and playing a wolf-howling sound effect for two hours, followed by a ringing sound in his ears for the next week. Anyway, those "responsible" people who want to "be able to hear" and not "get PTSD", and all that nonsense, blah blah blah, blah blah blah, Tiricia made him shut down the home. Perseus advised him to make it into a business so he could make money and pay off the half a billion billion Dauiland Dollar debt he was in, and he agreed."

"That doesn't sound like him," Sary said. "He never listens to reason, only sugar and extremely loud noises."

"Well," Taarius squirmed. "Perseus did threaten to take away the social security money he was getting from Nazbeth."

"For what?" Ilazi asked. "He's way under the retirement age."

"The money was for mentally disabled people," Taarius said dryly. "I thought it was a joke until Perseus told me Tarius actually had—"

A loud rumbling sound coming from where Taarius bashed the ceiling interrupted his revelation. "There we go!" the clone said.

A square panel in the ceiling two feet wide opened up, the cover falling onto the table. Half a second later, something—no, someone—handcuffed, chained at the ankles, and screaming for their life came crashing down. Sary and Ilazi were speechless; Taarius squealed a squeal that almost broke glass. "Finally!" he exclaimed giddily, taking off the handcuffs and unraveling the yard of chain wrapped around his victim's ankles.

"Who is this!?" Ilazi shouted, trying to be heard over Taarius's incessant noise, which was a mix of laughter, screaming, and giggling. As usual, a noise only a Tarius could make.

After fifteen more seconds, Taarius had freed the man and finally stopped what Ilazi thought of as the sound of dying hyenas cackling.

Taarius took a deep breath in. "OhmygosheveryoneIcan'tbelieveIdidn'ttellyouthisbutIaskedTariusforafavorandhelentmethisroomandlookwhoitisrightoncueit'sOdil!"

It took Sary and Ilazi a good minute to decipher what their childish friend had just said. Sary was the first to speak. "Odil?" she asked. "Why would you bring Odil here?"

"Well, Perseus and Tarius were done with him, and they lent me Odil for a week until they could decide whether or not to arrest him on charges of treason."

TO BE CONTINUED

Nazbeth wrote:Tarius was having a great day. When he woke up in his plush feather bed in his third mansion, his girlfriend Lily at his side and his bowl of M&Ms freshly refilled, the headlines blared that he had dethroned that idiotic actor Bryce Smith to claim the #1 spot on the Forbes Hot 100. To celebrate this feat—only the second of his career—he decided to lounge about all day, attended by his bastion of female servants and eating his favorite food: candy. Things don’t get much better than this! He thought to himself as he read aloud the article to the rapt attention of his “girlfriends”:

“-after the triumph of his reality TV show-turned talk show Touché, It’s Tarius, the former politician and model has-” he was interrupted by his home phone ringing. Strange, he though, who calls me on my home phone and not my cell? He pushed the thought away and distractedly said, “could you get that for me, Candice?” before returning to his article. “-has endured a turbulent few years, but can celebrate that-“

“Tari? It’s President Greene! He says he wants to talk to you!” Candice yelled. Tarius sighed. Perseus always wanted to talk to him about something or other, usually his wasted “potential.” He was sick of hearing the word “potential.” Who did Perseus think he was, his dad?! Oh please. Tarius was not wasting his potential. This year, he had raked in 50 million Dauiland dollars on endorsements alone. He had his first girlfriend since Rachel. And he still kept a keen interest in CS politics—enough to know that Lainey was going to mop the floor with Allison Key. Woo! That woman was fire. He knew that Crimtonian Spectre was in good hands, so why was Perseus so keen for him to re-enter politics?

“I’ll be right there!”

Nazbeth

And then it was the Tari and Percy camping trip! Meme gold mines indeed!

The camping trip! Yes! One of your most memorable non-Odil Factor-onward stories.

Nazbeth

BREAKING NEWS! Chad has taken over TLU and renamed it to the Tsardom of Chad. In this land, he rules with a proverbial, eternally drunk mind, commanding his intoxicated horde of frat boys on the other nations. TLU is no more. ALL HAIL CHADLAND!!!

This is canon now, change your nations name

Rahul Raghuraman and Nazbeth

Post by Richomp suppressed by Rahul Raghuraman.

BREAKING NEWS!!! A MESSAGE FROM TSAR CHAD!!!!

I *hic just want *hic bitches!!!!

ALL HAIL TSAR CHAD

He has converted his nation to the religion of pateria, in which all you do is party.

Nazbeth

Nazbeth

Richomp wrote:BREAKING NEWS! Chad has taken over TLU and renamed it to the Tsardom of Chad. In this land, he rules with a proverbial, eternally drunk mind, commanding his intoxicated horde of frat boys on the other nations. TLU is no more. ALL HAIL CHADLAND!!!

In an effort to pacify the ravenous hordes descending on the Nazbethian coast “because beaches are hot, dude,” President Sofia Sarrafi sends 2,000 tons of the finest casks of Nazbethian aged wine (plus 4,000 tons of NazzaFraz™ Cheap Whiskey for good measure) directly to Chad. It comes with a letter saying that if he agrees to call off his minions she’ll throw him the biggest bachelor party in history. She suggests the Wastes would be the ideal location, and to not bother wearing any special equipment because “everyone knows masks are lame, bro.”

«12. . .1,1571,1581,1591,1601,1611,1621,163. . .1,2071,208»

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