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Dispatch → Meta → Reference
by 
The Pacific Alpine Commonwealth of Mount Seymour.
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81 reads.
Forest Keeper Campaigns | March 2021
As you know, Forest's last administration was plagued by a slight undead problem. However, while the uncomprehending, innocent mortals of the previous government attacked and condemned the issue, Deputy Forest Keeper Chan Island saw the truth. The founder was showing us the way! By following his example, we could even master death itself, and become for eternity spooky skeletons, zorry zombies or even ghastly ghosts. Even the real world was pointing us towards it. As people died from the pandemic, many analysts missed out a crucial bonus- skeleton stocks were at an all-time high! Business for the funeral sector was booming. Yet, foolish world leaders did nothing as doctors and scientists heroically cured the sick and created vaccines. This. Is. Unacceptable. The moment I win, the land will be forever cursed. The skies will darken, crows will appear out of nowhere and vicious, maniacal laughter will be heard in all corners of the region. Chan Island will be busy on the ritual, the final act of destruction to once and for all transition Forest into the haunted undead region it must become. Please, be very alarmed by the clocks going backwards, the zombies coming out of the ground and the dancing ghosts, it's all part of the plan. On day 2, my undead pirate hordes will scour the region with flamethrowers. Sorry, fire's the only way, we've had a few thousand years to test alternatives. But these are evil fires, so they will be green flames at least, as all those Disney documentaries showed us. Or aren't those blue? Anyway, all will be consumed in those baleful, evil flames of damnation. Every tree, every bird, every cute little adorable Bambi with irresistible eyes- all burned! By day 3, all of the slain will be raised up again as the spooky undead! Now forever cursed in the eyes of God, we will at last be reunited with Errinundera and the rest of the dead gang, and then.... I dunno, I haven't thought this far ahead. We could complain about the living or something. So shiver your timbers and quail in terror! The undead menace is upon this once verdant region! But only if vote for it. The ritual doesn't actually work if I'm not Forest Keeper, for some reason. So.... yeah. Errinundera is gone, and if the scant bits of evidence we have are of any veracity, quite likely for good. For reasons that can now only be speculated and debated on, he chose to maintain his nation for another several months until what was almost certainly a bot too failed. In the CTE, Forest was changed too, though we were already under ample warning. The stasis of game mechanics meant the last government had to remain in place, as a zombie, for months. The writing was on the wall. Yet, with that final confirmation, the region was left in a more vulnerable state than ever. The next administration will be a defining one for the region, and will set the precedent for all future governments. It should be obvious that I am running as a joke, but just in case I actually do win, I will unfortunately have to inform you that I will have to break my main promise. Game mechanics means I cannot actually raise the dead. Sorry, my bad. Or Max Barry's, your choice. But game mechanics means that we are now vulnerable to raiding, something I am unfortunately quite familiar with. In fact, almost 5 years ago now, I first joined Forest precisely because I thought it would be of interest to my raider region. It has since collapsed, I have disavowed raiding in disgust and have been fully committed to Forest- the last thing I want is to see our heritage destroyed by an outside threat. Thus, I would prioritise security in my administration. I would achieve it by the following: 1) Consolidate WA nations in the region. We are now one of the largest founderless regions in the site, with WA nations that have been in it for a decade. An outright toppling is very unlikely, and concentrating more influence will make us an even harder target. In addition, it stays in line with Forest's current stance of neutrality. 2) Discuss and potentially amend the constitution to introduce an endorsement cap. Obviously the delegate, Ruinenlust, will be exempt, however the most likely way we are to be 'raided' will be if tag raiders endorse another strong native, temporarily throwing Ruinenlust off his perch. A situation that would be disastrous if said native was actively working with the raiders, and the one way we could really be toppled. The exact number of endorsements allowed will be subject to public debate. 3) Promote good relations with defender regions. Forest is already a diplomatic powerhouse, with a much higher than average number of WA or SC resolution writers in our groves, but it doesn't hurt to exercise some of that soft power with our pre-existing defender embassies and other friends. This will not mean a formal treaty, unless circumstances change to demand it, but is more a gentle reminder to those who would stand with Forest to ensure they remember we exist. 4) Create 2 forest ranger positions. These officers would purely take the role of ejecting suspect or hostile nations (and, let's be real, irritating spammers in the RMB) at the request of the rest of the government. They will be given no other powers, and misuse of said powers (as judged by a public debate or administration investigation) is punishable by dismissal. The positions will hopefully proven entirely ceremonial, but could be invaluable if a large raid occurs while the delegate is not logged in. The second threat that attends founderless regions tends to be the difficulty in attracting new nations, thus slowly over time seeing the region shrink. 1) Create multiple cartographers. Regional maps are a valuable RP tool for a region, and thus a great asset in attracting new people. However, too often, the cartographer position has either stood vacant or not been active. Thus, 2 or 3 map makers will be promoted to ensure something gets done, and the map gets updated. 2) Continue to enforce excellence in the RMB. Our RMB is one of the strongest assets of the region, filled much more than usual with insight, discussion and wisdom that is enviable- and very attractive for the kinds of people we will want to bring into the fold. I will keep this up, and encourage members to contribute to the chatter. 3) Just overall look into and implement the policy suggestions of the Middle Barael. What can I say, they were good ideas. With these 2 big priorities under control, the region will be in a very strong position to advance forwards and continue to thrive. Then, as with Maslow's pyramid, we can turn our attention towards other issues. 1) Introduce a 'sustained campaign'. The sustained campaign will be concerted a 2-6 month long to encourage members to either actively promote or be more mindful of environmental issues. Forest members participating in the sustained campaign could be doing anything from reducing their personal plastic waste (as an example of a cause that could be championed) to posting their views on NSG- as long as there is a small contribution towards trying to make things slightly better. 2) Launch a new flag contest. OK, this would likely actually be one of the first things we do, but we are now in a new era. And a new era demands a new flag. Luckily, Forest is a region blessed with many talented artists, so why not give them a chance to make a defining new symbol for our new founderless future? And, last but not least: have fun! All policy areas not listed would be little or unchanged in a hypothetical Chan Island administration. Which should never come to pass. But hey, stranger things have happened.
[Pictured- Chan Island at another successful campaign rally. 150 new voters raised that day!]
As you likely know, I am running for Forest Keeper in the March 2021 elections. I have been a resident of Forest in some capacity for the last 4 years or so, and a government official of some kind for at least 2 of those (as a quasi-ambassador to Gameplay, the Deputy Forest Keeper, and more recently in community affairs). While I will not claim to that my tenure in any of those positions was the most successful it could have been, I do have experience in the government of Forest (and in that of others). Campaign Promises/Goals: 1. Continue the excellent administration procedures started by Verdant Haven (the transparency reports) and other former Forest Keepers (notably the general form of offices). Additionally, I will note that I am a member of The North Pacific's Court, the Council of Hawks in The Black Hawks, and a citizen in The East Pacific and Osiris - I will update this should any changes occur prior to the end of the election.
2. To promote the cultural activity of the region, particularly as this term has traditionally had fewer regional activities than the other term:
- Establishing a festival in honor of our late founder
- Creation of other regional activities as the region may be interested, in order to balance the terms more effectively
3. To effectively establish a security regime to protect Forest in its newly founderless state, utilizing my experience in and about Gameplay:
- Establishment of permanent border control procedures and appropriate endorsement cap allowances for when they may be needed
- Loosen the constitutional rules on military activities to allow for straight mutual-defense treaties (and nothing else)
- Work with outside defenders as needed to allow for future security and protection
- Limit the ability of the Forest Keeper to unilaterally change the WA Delegate
4. Change the listed powers of the Founder and WA Delegate to allow for the latter to run elections and appoint officials pursuant to the wishes of the Forest Keeper wheneve so, r the Founder hasn't done, rather than just when they CTE. This would include the WA Delegate permanently having Executive authority (or, that they should, as the Founder can not be over-ridden if they choose to do the opposite).
5. To amend (probably closer to a complete rewrite/replacement honestly) the constitution as needed to accomplish the above.
6. To do all of the above in complete consultation with the residents of Forest, both new and old.
Hello Forestians, I come to you after the setting of Verdant Haven's sun, his administration. In Verdant Haven's last campaign, they made a promise to ensure the future of Forest even when our founder had ceased to exist. In their wisdom, the worst came to pass and Forest became founderless. Rather than risk the culture and the history of Forest in a refounding it was decided that we would continue on with Ruinenlust being given emergency Founder powers through our constitution and the available region tools. In the aftermath of this change, my focus should I be elected for a term as Forest Keeper will be to support our mission to the Environment by first protecting the security of the region. With this in mind The Cypher Nine humbly submits the following campaign goals in hopes that they align with the hearts and minds of all Forestians: 2. In mind with the first goal, I will sanction the creation of a Homeland Security Officer. While Ruinenlust has been granted the responsibility and powers to protect our borders by the constitution it is a difficult burden for one person to protect a region in this way. The Officer's responsibility will be to monitor and report on the comings/goings in regional activity including CTE's, incoming nations and departing nations. They will also monitor endorsement counts on a regular basis to assist Ruinenlust in his duty to protect the borders. The data collected will be released every so often much like our Greenness Index and Exceptionally Green Nations. This will not only increase engagement, allowing us to be more welcoming to new members but also to keep our resident nations informed/protected. 3. My final goal will be to ensure the government has availability. The pandemic has radically affected availability and engagement across the region. I will ensure that at the very least, the members of the regional government recommit to the platform of regional stability and can promise a reasonable amount of time/effort in their positions. With regard to allowing the current officers to maintain their positions, by default they will not retain their positions until they can confirm their availability to the government for at least this term. Otherwise, all government function and responsibilities will remain the same The Cypher Nine has been a committed member of Forest for over 4 years. They have served as ambassador to 10,000 islands and as culture minister in the regional government. They do more than bleed Forest, its in their nations DNA. Vote for The Cypher Nine. Vote for Stability.
1. I want to keep Forest in its current state, protecting its legacy without refounding. My overall goal with my administration will be Stability. With such massive uncertainty over the last months, sweeping changes are unnecessary and should be avoided at all costs.
Greetings, my humble allies. The Grand Council of Jutsa (here on refered to as "I" as well as "It") has announced its running for Forest Keeper in 2021, and it plans to bring with it some significant changes. It sees a wonderful region, but it also sees a disturbing cognitive dissonance lying within its member states. A lie we all live with. It's time to make things right, and bring the idea of Ecological Purism back into the region of Forest through a series of superiorly detailed and definitely not overcomplicated plans. It's also about time we invented our own form of military GP whose sole purpose is to wreak as much havoc on the World Assembly as possible. But maybe that'll be for when I win the next election. Environment: As Forest Keeper, it'll be my sworn duty to keep the forest. To do this, we'll employ a multitude of nations to be Forest Patrol, which will search the region far and wide for litter bugs and rogue wood chippers. This patrol team will deliver appropriate punishments to all of those whom do not comply with Forest's forest guidelines. Trespass is not permitted. All citizens of regional states must hug a tree at least once every twenty-four hours. Every school year must include a detailed course in ecology and stress the importance of the world slowly burning down around you. Member nations are also required to plant at minimum one tree for every tree destroyed, as well as plant at least 5,000 additional trees monthly to account for deforestration, and take local wildlife into consideration. A small 25% of every member state's landmass must be converted to wildlife conservation. Real fur will be banned. Plastic silverware will be banned. Plastic bags will be banned (save for those "reusable" plastic bags cause lets be honest they're better than cloth bags atm). Cruise ships will be banned. Plastic straws will be banned. Causing forest fires will be banned. Excessive noise pollution in the sea or vast stretches of wilderness will be banned. Palm oil will be banned. Oil will be banned along with coal and natural gas (with the exception of helium, hydrogen, and normal air, outside of scientific research in controlled environments that pose no threat to main ecosystems). Glitter will be banned. Styrofoam (and plastic packaging) will be banned. Contaminating waters with toxic waste will be banned. Coral dredging will be banned. Actively dismantling the environment for the sake of actively dismantling the environment will be banned. The West Pacific will be banned. Littering will be banned. A strict carbon tax will by implemented in each nation, to which 25% of the profits will be mandatorily and 50% optionally donated to the region itself, which can be used to fund wildlife campaigns and anti-bribery. Corruption Forest is deeply rooted in corruption. Pun intended. But think about it. Haven't you noticed that there are a significant number of influential nations, including those in government, who are not only not participating in the cause of Forest - of protecting and preserving the environment - but actively doing everything in their power to destroy the fabric of nature itself? This is terrible. The absolute worst states environmentally are governing and voting on how an environmental preservation region should be run. Are these totally competent nations with leaders who make me look like a total yahoo cracker? Yes. Yes they are. But is that worth sacrificing our region's environment for? The answer in this campaign is a big wet no. Over the course of my term, I will role out measures that state that if these nations do not actively participate in significantly undoing the en mass ecological harm they have caused to the region simply by being here, they will no longer be considered a part of the region, and shall be sent to the Rejected Realms and be sentenced to either found their own region, Anti-Forest, or join Capitalist. All states must share the same fate whichever one it is. Politicians will be subject to intense rhetoric and be barated endlessly to weed out those who are secretly fudging their world census statistics through bribes to make them look more environmentally friendly than they really are, and will likely be ejected from office or barred from running for office if suspected of fowl play. The accused nation's president will then proceed to be pelted by an elite team of bread fighters, thus boosting employment. Swords are not an acceptable substitute; garlic bread is. I also will replace bribe money with anti-bribe money, which will be used for anti-bribes. Great Founders Day 2 We celebrate Founders day. If we don't, we should. Ftr I haven't the darned foggiest if we have a Founders day but it'd be awesome if we did. Either way - whether we do or don't - I shall create Founders Day 2.0, a holiday in commemoration of the (hopefully only first) CTEing of Errorundia. Festivities will begin with a discussion in the RMB featuring no more and no less than thirteen forest members reciting a line from Captain Planet and the Planeteers. Alcoholic beverages must then be consumed in copious amounts both irl and in-character, with the exception that if you can't/won't drink alcohol or are working, to which you can just pretend to be drunk. Afterwards, we'll all watch a nature documentary about mushrooms followed by no less than two documentaries of anyone's choice. Vegan ice cream will then be mandated upon all participants of the festival. After this, exactly one Forest cabinet member must submit a really janky proposal to the World Assembly involving environmental protection, written in no more than five minutes, to which its submission will not be retracted and shall only be submitted while being accompanied by a lottery-chosen cabinet member singing about how great Errandundria was in a live discord voicechat in high falsetto. Banjo accompaniment is encouraged but not mandated. We will end the night by hosting a game of either Among Us or One Night Ultimate Werewolf (not both), unless someone wants to create a minecraft server to which we'd spend exactly one night on in survival mode and then proceed to shut the server down to preserve the rest of the map's environment. The ceremony will culminate with a closing address from the Forest Keeper - which, if I'm elected, will be me - about Erinturntree and suffering bee populations. Foreign Relations Aside from strongly encouraging all national leaders to wear metal chestplates to appeal to various GCRs, we will cut all ties we might have had with the West Pacific and embrace the East Pacific (or the North Pacific if a petition is signed) as the best Pacific, and deal with the fallout as it happens. We will then proceed to recruit as many missionaries - I mean, ambassadors - as we can to seek out more regions to have diplomatic conversations with over tea and crumpets, and spread the Forest ideals of forest preservation by pointing out what a smoggy hellhole they live in, and how they should praise the Great Tree God and undo their sins or else they'll go to the great Dumpster Fire in the Ground. The Forest Keeper (me) shall bake all of the crumpets necessary to bribe-convert- I mean- er, mm... make ties with as many regions as possible. Except for the West Pacific. and possibly Capitalist. Fine Print: Addendum Feb 19 2023: Don't forget one day to pronounce someone persona non grata as a marriage joke. Preferably years from now in a tribunal somewhere. Save this for evidence. I will be so sad if anyone finds this message beforehand. Also yes I've been planning this since 2022, to anyone who didn't believe me. Check this factbook's last-edited date for verification. Internal Relations Everyone is loved no matter what even if you're banjected for not complying with the anti-corruption measures listed above. Also no office romance is allowed. Climate Change It's real. The Economy I will also create the Forest Token (basically the euro only dumber). Each nation will be minted exactly five thousand of these tokens. These tokens can be sold or bought at any time. Each nation will be annually taxed a minimum of five thousand tokens, in order to supplement a Universal Basic Income program where we give each Forestrian exactly five thousand tokens. This is a progressive tax, so if any nation owns more tokens, they will be taken from said nation through brute force and be used to fund administration and wildlife campaigns. Those who can not afford to pay the minimum of 5,000 tokens will be subjugated to public humiliation and be put in the time-out corner. Yes, we will physically move your entire nation to an actual corner of Forest not seen on the map. (basically just to give the cartographer a hard time.) In the event we do not have enough tax tokens to support the universal basic income, we will simply give each Forestrian whatever remains and force them to decide who gets to keep them. New coins will not be minted except for when a new member has joined, as this has an enormous toll on the environment. If a member nation leaves, said tokens will be automatically put into a reserve that will be used to replenish tokens or hand out to newcomers if and when necessary. Tokens shall also be biodegradable and optionally edible. Other Policies All complaints about my leadership will be sent to my nation's complaints office, to which they will be thoroughly scrutinized by an elite team of janitors before promptly being shredded and recycled. If digital contact is required, then don't, as the cell tower and wifi towers are both currently not operational on account of environmental protests. We'll have a non-zero-tolerence policy when it comes the shenanigan, as well as a negative-tolerance policy towards the environmental-disestablishmentarianists, party-going antivaxers and poorly seasoned cuisine. All thumbs shall be dyed green in order to signify our devotion to plants. Other fingers are optional if applicable. Universal health care. Cookies will be the regional culinary food. Meat will be banned. Pill bugs will be worshipped. I will also donate five hundred dollars to a charity of choice selected by regional poll. IRL ngl I'm probably gonna be too busy to be very active so a lot of these policies will be delegated onto my cabinet. But seriously I will donate at least five hundred irl US dollars to a charity of your chosing if I'm elected. Also I like cats. Final Notes #makeforestgreatagain Disclaimer: So, to be serious, I'm aware Forest has gone through a lot of issues, and honestly I'd highly recommend voting for someone far more competant than yours truly. This seriously is a joke proposal. But I will say this: If I'm somehow miraculously elected, I promise you I will do my best to be actually active and keep things stable, even while doing college. Need not forget I was eventually the grand councilor for the Ragerian Imperium. (Granted it crashed just after I earned that position but both literally happened because the entire government collapsed, to be fair. :p) But again, seriously, I would probably do a much poorer job than the other candidates so please vote for them. I'd much rather be a last-resort emergency option than an actual candidate. That said, I wasn't joking about donating 500 dollars to a charity voted upon if I won. I literally would do that. I might even do that anyway if someone wants to make a poll about that for me. And I really do advocate vegetarianism (on a personal level, borderline otherwise despite that being not super likely to happen), UBI, hugging trees, environmental education, carbon tax, tea and crumpet diplomacy, having a good time, cats, cookies, and janitors, ftr. Just nowhere near the extant I've outlined in this proposal. xD (well except for cookies) This ad campaign was funded and supported by the Grand Council of Jutsa.
A platform of Ecological Purism
(Disclaimer disclaimer: I might low-key try to implement softcore versions of some of this platform, though, if they interest anyone.)
The last 12 months have been strange times, with the March 2020 election having been seriously delayed and the September 2020 election not happening at all. Errinundera, the founder of forest for nearly 14 years, recently CTE’d, and now the March 2021 election is upon us, the first Forest Keeper election in almost a year. Verdant Haven and Ruinenlust have handled this difficult situation splendidly, forgoing the constitutional mandate for Verdant Haven and the rest of the government to resign their positions and powers. As we now know, this would have led to six months of a forest without any government. There are many candidates for the position of Forest Keeper this election, so why should you pick Roless? Well, I will: 1. Organise regional/interregional competitions (sporting events and other competitions, i will take suggestions), encourage Forestians to participate in those organised by neighboring regions, and support independently held events. 2. Establish the office of ‘event coordinator’ to organise and coordinate these events. 3. Amend the constitution to allow for the people of forest to remove any member of the cabinet from power (not just the Forest Keeper). 4. seeing as forest is now a founderless region, i will establish endorsement limits. 5. Establish The office of ‘Border Guard’ to monitor entrants to forest and investigate those who look suspicious. Of course, it's your choice whether you vote for me or not. However I hope you do. If you have any questions, TG me or mention me on the RMB and i will be happy to answer!
