by Max Barry

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by The VC Republic State of Free Ravensburg. . 76 reads.

The F7 Movie

Character list: Whenever they are shortened, the leader is used
Free Ravensburg
Western Fardelshufflestein
Empirical Switzerland
Socialist Macronesia
Kiu Ghesik
Azur Deutschland
New Carthagea
The mod that DEAT’d Nouveau Québécois
Nouveau Québécois

NQ: why are you here?
Mod: You need to change your sig, and now.
NQ: And if I don’t
Mod: Then you shall die.
NQ: Try me.
NQ was then DEAT’d unfairly

The scene then changes to a court room, in the defense lobby.
FR: I can’t believe that I am doing this case! I’m just so emotional about this.
WF: Calm down, Freebs. Everyone has mixed feelings about this case. Heck, even I am angered the mods did this. But we can’t let our feelings control this case.
The intercom starts to call
COM: the Courtroom would like both parties involved in the case of Moderation vs Nouveau Québécois to enter Courtroom No. 4.
WF: That’s us. Come on, let’s go.
FR and WF enter the courtroom

ES: The court is now in session. Prosecution, please make your opening statement.
Mod: I DEAT’d NQ for a valid reason. His sig was offensive, and he was told to change it. He did not change it, so I had to DEAT his account.
ES: I see, you will also have that as your testimony, yes?
Mod: Correct, your honor.
ES: Now, are there any other witnesses you would like to call to the stand?
FR: HOLD IT! slams hands on the table I believe that I should be able to cross examine that testimony.
Mod: OBJECTION! You cannot cross examine this testimony because it is also the opening statement.
ES: He does have a point. Objection sustained.
Mod: For my first witness, I call Tranzoria to the stand.

ES: Now tell us what you saw that night.
TZ: Okay. I was walking to F7, to post on some thread, when I saw the Mod and NQ talking. They were talking about his sig, but I don’t know what it said.
FR: OBJECTION! I remember telling NQ’s sig to a nation, so he must have heard about it from me.
TZ: Guhr!
FR: so your testimony is bogus.

ES: that was quick.
FR: we have to keep the runtime low so that it will fit
Mod: what are you talking about?
ES: understandable. The prosecution will bring their next witness to the stand.
Mod: we call No(e^15) to the stand then.

ES: the witness will now begin their testimony
No: I was not actually there
Gallery(consisting of KG, AZ, NC, and MK): WHAT!
Get him out of here!
(Obscene profanities)
etc, etc.
Gallery: …
ES: this witness provided nothing to case, so the prosecution will be penalized.
Mod: oomph
FR: (wow, I never knew that he didn’t witness it)

Mod: the prosecution has made a mixup of witnesses.
ES: is that so.
Mod: yes your honor, we meant to call Wuchu to the stand
FR: (wait, didn’t he just get unDEAT’d?)
WF: that’s strange, he was just recently unDEAT’d. That witness will also be bogus, since you would have told him to lie on the stand. TAKE THAT!
Mod: But he did witness it.

ES: witness, please state your testimony, and tell the truth this time.
Wuchu: It was true that I was DEAT’d, but that was before this incident. So I did not witness this either. What is true is that NQ was unfairly DEAT’d like me and Shtet. They were trying to abuse their power to make sure no one questioned their authority.
Mod: DEAT’s Wuchu that witness was lying. SoMac can prove it
SoMac: he was DEAT’d before this.
Mod: Fuq

ES: since there are no more witnesses, the court will now reach its verdict. We find the defendant, Nouveau Québécois, Not Guilty
Gallery: Cheers
WF: We won!