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Dispatch → Factbook → Miscellaneous
Axxon's Song
(To the tune of Gaston's song from Disney's "Beauty and the Beast"Axxon:
Who does Nova think he is?
That boy has tangled with the wrong man!
Switzy:
Darn right.
Axxon:
No one says "no" to Axxon!
Dismissed! Rejected!
Publicly humiliated!
Why, it's more than I can bear.
Switzy:
More curry?
Axxon:
What for? Nothing helps.
I'm disgraced.
Switzy:
Who, you? Never!
Axxon, you've got to pull yourself together.
Switzy:
Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Axxon
Looking so down in the dumps
Ev'ry guy here'd love to be you, Axxon
Even when taking your lumps
There's no man in town as admired as you
You're ev'ryone's favorite guy
Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why
No one's slick as Axxon
No one's quick as Axxon
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Axxon's
For there's no man in town half as manly
Perfect, a pure paragon!
You can ask any Commie, Democrat or Empire
And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on
Switzy and South Africa:
No one's been like Axxon
A king pin like Axxon
Switzy:
No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Axxon
Axxon:
As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!
Switzy and South Africa:
My what a guy, that Axxon!
Give five "hurrahs!" Give twelve "hip-hips!"
Switzy:
Axxon is the best
And the rest is all drips
South Africa:
No one fights like Axxon!
Douses lights like Axxon!
Switzy:
In a wrestling match nobody bites like Axxon!
Cows:
For there's no one as burly and brawny
Axxon:
As you see I've got biceps to spare
Switzy
Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny
Axxon:
That's right!
And ev'ry last inch of me's covered with hair
South Africa:
No one hits like Axxon
Matches wits like Axxon
Switzy:
In a spitting match nobody spits like Axxon
Axxon:
I'm especially good at expectorating!
Ptoooie!
South Africa
Ten points for Axxon!
Axxon:
When I was a lad
I ate four dozen eggs
Ev'ry morning to help me get large
And now that I'm grown
I eat five dozen eggs
So I'm roughly the size of a barge!
South Africa
Oh, ahhh, wow!
My what a guy, that Axxon!
No one shoots like Axxon
Makes those beauts like Axxon
Switzy:
Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Axxon
Axxon:
I use antlers in all of my decorating!
South Africa:
My what a guy, Axxon!