The Heavenly Riesenbärenreich of Von Zeischter is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Chunky Bär Jim with an even hand, and notable for its ritual sacrifices, irreverence towards religion, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, humorless population of 5.804 billion Zeischterisches are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The enormous, corrupt, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Education, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Das Bored. The average income tax rate is 95.2%.

The frighteningly efficient Von Zeischterian economy, worth 901 trillion Zeisctenmarks a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a slick, highly efficient, fairly diversified black market in Information Technology, Arms Manufacturing, Tourism, and Book Publishing. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 155,332 Zeisctenmarks, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.7 times as much as the poorest.

The incidence of wrist sprains is falling, anti-vaxxers claim that injected children are prone to psychotic breaks when they see the 'Queen of Diamonds' playing card, Chunky Bär Jim is spearheading a new fashion trend of wearing swimming goggles and medieval armour, and looting and pillaging are now considered vital intelligence-gathering activities. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Von Zeischter's national animal is the DJUNGELSKOG Bär, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Möbelkult.

Von Zeischter is ranked 15,803^rd in the world and 1^st in High Cholesterol Gang for Most Patriotic, with 57.38 flags saluted per person per day.