The Eternal Union of The Ice States is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by King Pedro Noltensmeier I with an iron fist, and remarkable for its avowedly heterosexual populace, keen interest in outer space, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 4.878 billion Icers are rabid consumers, partly through choice and partly because the government tells them to and dissenters tend to vanish from their homes at night.

The relatively small, corrupt, pro-business, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Industry, although Defense and Administration are also considered important, while Welfare and Social Policy receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Southport City. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 6.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Ice economy, worth 847 trillion Devonian Aiers a year, is broadly diversified and dominated by the Retail industry, with significant contributions from Soda Sales, Uranium Mining, and Door-to-door Insurance Sales. Black market activity is frequent. Average income is an impressive 173,786 Devonian Aiers, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,600,587 per year while the poor average 1,913, a ratio of 836 to 1.

Terrified tympanists are finding themselves on the front lines armed only with kettledrums, children use fake IDs to purchase candy, the regional delicacy of chocolate bombes is deadlier than an unexploded bomb, and commercial breaks often lead to nervous breakdowns. Crime, especially youth-related, is all-pervasive, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. The Ice States's national animal is the Eagle, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is The Order of Klyprer.

The Ice States is ranked 302,493^rd in the world and 73^rd in Greater Dienstad for Most Beautiful Environments, with 2.27 pounds of wildlife per square mile.