The Pathetic chickens of The Empire Of Mr Piffles is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Mr Piffles with an iron fist, and remarkable for its state-planned economy, soft-spoken computers, and frequent executions. The hard-nosed, cynical population of 13.1 billion Pifflesians are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The large, socially-minded, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, with Welfare, Education, and Law & Order also on the agenda, while Spirituality and International Aid receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Mt Scumbag. The average income tax rate is 47.0%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The large but sluggish Imperial economy, worth 417 trillion Scumbag coins a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Uranium Mining, Automobile Manufacturing, and Retail. Average income is 31,892 Scumbag coins, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Referenda are banned by law and the Parliament has absolute control of the legislative process, hundreds of sailors ride the good ship Mr Piffles day after day, translators have been hired to deal with the varying regional accents during national political debates, and ship captains always order a return to port at the slightest sign of rain. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The Empire Of Mr Piffles's national animal is the Mr Peckles, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

The Empire Of Mr Piffles is ranked 98,787^th in the world and 2^nd in The Black Swan Kingdom for Safest, scoring 84.87 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.