The United States of SeaTurtlelandia is a huge, safe nation, notable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, compulsory military service, and prohibition of alcohol. The hard-nosed, hard-working, devout population of 790 million SeaTurtlelandians are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The medium-sized, moralistic government juggles the competing demands of Spirituality, Defense, and Law & Order. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 20.8%.

The strong SeaTurtlelandian economy, worth 46.0 trillion Sand Dollars a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Trout Farming industry, with major contributions from Beef-Based Agriculture, Cheese Exports, and Automobile Manufacturing. Average income is 58,187 Sand Dollars, with the richest citizens earning 5.6 times as much as the poorest.

Government officials stay up all night in flame wars with their constituents, the price of freedom is about half a million Sand Dollars, military equipment stores have a tendency to go up in flames, and Mr Happy's Funland has just been named SeaTurtlelandia's new capital. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. SeaTurtlelandia's national animal is the Sea Turtles, which can occasionally be seen avoiding garbage in the nation's murky oceans.

SeaTurtlelandia is ranked 135,666^th in the world and 122^nd in Federation of Martian Colonies for Most Cultured, scoring 65 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.