The Empire of Schutzengraben is a huge, efficient nation, notable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, triple-decker prams, and irreverence towards religion. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical population of 450 million Schutzmen are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, with Law & Order, Administration, and Industry also on the agenda, while International Aid receives no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Exclusion zone of danzig. The average income tax rate is 49.3%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The very strong Schutz economy, worth 32.7 trillion Hootspas a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Uranium Mining, Woodchip Exports, and Basket Weaving. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 72,682 Hootspas, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.5 times as much as the poorest.

Child adoption by homosexual couples has been outlawed, children who can't memorize their multiplication tables are sent to the mines, the nation's soldiers often believe they're in the Air Force, and the nation's orphanages and maternity wards have been nicknamed 'the Killbot Factories'. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Schutzengraben's national animal is the Red dragon, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution.

Schutzengraben is ranked 236,860^th in the world and 4^th in Craftys America for Most Cultured, scoring 64 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.