The Elven Monarchist Colony of Rainian is a massive, orderly nation, ruled by Haily Hark with an iron fist, and notable for its flagrant waste-dumping, public floggings, and pith helmet sales. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical population of 1.629 billion Rainians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, with Industry, Education, and Healthcare also on the agenda, while International Aid and Welfare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Winchester. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 62.5%.

The frighteningly efficient Rainian economy, worth 227 trillion Ehrins a year, is broadly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Woodchip Exports, Information Technology, Uranium Mining, and Pizza Delivery. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 139,457 Ehrins, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 440,079 per year while the poor average 33,765, a ratio of 13.0 to 1.

The sound of office water cooler chatter has been replaced by the whirring of computer cooling fans, the monarch frequently needs protecting from misfiring protection, holiday-makers leave on the same clandestine boats that illegal immigrants arrive in, and young and brooding teens are welcomed with open arms to the Dogwarts School of Strangeness and Sorcery. Crime is a major problem, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Rainian's national animal is the Axolotl, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to heavy metals seepage into national waterways.

Rainian is ranked 280,682^nd in the world and 697^th in United Kingdom for Lowest Crime Rates, with 28.43 law-abiding acts per hour.