The Republic of Phi1ippines is a massive, orderly nation, ruled by PLDT Corporation with an iron fist, and notable for its complete lack of prisons, state-planned economy, and public floggings. The hard-nosed, cynical, devout population of 4.216 billion Pinoys are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Spirituality, Law & Order, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Facebook. The average income tax rate is 59.4%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The sizeable but stagnant Pinoy economy, worth 78.1 trillion pesos a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a slick, highly efficient, quite specialized black market in Trout Farming, Cheese Exports, Woodchip Exports, and Gambling. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 18,525 pesos, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

There'll be no comeback tour for many former boy bands, the government is suspected of mass disappearing dissidents both at home and abroad, political activists are routinely executed, and environmental protestors are being rounded up and taken away in sinister black vans as a massive land development campaign gets underway. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Phi1ippines's national animal is the tiktoker, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Phi1ippines is ranked 277,682^nd in the world and 4^th in The New Republic of the Philippines for Most Cultured, scoring 62 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.