The Empire of Petan Empire is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Sidaroth with an iron fist, and notable for its anti-smoking policies, otherworldly petting zoo, and national health service. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 23.201 billion Petan Citizens are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, with Law & Order, Education, and Administration also on the agenda, while Welfare and International Aid receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Iconus. The average income tax rate is 97.3%.

The frighteningly efficient Petan economy, worth an astonishing 13,244 trillion Petan Credits a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, broadly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Uranium Mining, and Woodchip Exports. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is a breathtaking 570,843 Petan Credits, with the richest citizens earning 9.0 times as much as the poorest.

Anti-government demagogues have a devil of a time evading authorities, 13-year-old internet trolls are treated as a threat on par with terrorists, Sidaroth's reputation is hard as nails, and all artwork is carefully screened for offensive material. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Petan Empire's national animal is the Iconian Eagle, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Discordianism.

Petan Empire is ranked 760^th in the world and 1^st in Mordor for Lowest Crime Rates, with 179.42 law-abiding acts per hour.