by Max Barry

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The Empire of
Father Knows Best State

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Oyada: Some Things You Ought to Know.

Nothing. You should know nothing about the Empire, our sacred and protected motherland. Who are you, keiti? Why have you come here, eh? No doubt to sneak into the Empire and cause trouble, like your damned kind usually do. What? You have a pass? Well there's bloody stupid. Hey, they've got a pass! Bloody fools. Right. Sit down in the chair. I said sit. Don't make me release the rottweilers.

Right, what's there to know? Oyada is located in the Canis Major Dwarf Galaxy. It is roughly fifty thousand light-years from the Sol system. It was founded by peoples who migrated from the identically named state on Earth to avoid bloody troublesome bloody foreigners RUINING THEIR DAMN DAY. What a waste of time that turned out to be.

Some basic things to keep in mind: You're not wanted, you're not welcome, and if you cross us we'll make you regret it. You will be observed, like the spies you undoubtedly are. I will caution you now, keiti: Keep out of trouble, don't ask questions, and don't go poking anywhere you're not asked to. We can tell your kind. That skin of yours shows up very clearly on our nice clean streets. And those damned round eyes! How do you avoid going blind? Ha! In any case, I think that's enough. Get out. If you are decent enough to leave, don't come back.

Damn keiti!

The Empire of Oyada

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