The Disputed Territories of Oldwick is a colossal, cultured nation, ruled by Sir Alan Partridge of Kipling with a fair hand, and remarkable for its zero percent divorce rate, compulsory military service, and daily referendums. The democratic, devout population of 8.128 billion Oldwickians love a good election, and the government gives them plenty of them. Universities tend to be full of students debating the merits of various civil and political rights, while businesses are tightly regulated and the wealthy viewed with suspicion.

The enormous government juggles the competing demands of Healthcare, Environment, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Norwich. The average income tax rate is 78.3%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The thriving Oldewiccan economy, worth 568 trillion candles a year, is quite specialized and led by the Book Publishing industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Cheese Exports, and Furniture Restoration. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 69,890 candles, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

New safety regulations require all cars manufactured in Oldwick to be bombproof, science centers and state of the art laboratories are ubiquitous, a traveller who once stubbed a toe on an Air Brancaland flight has been offered asylum, and aggravated apostrophe abusers are admonished and assaulted. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Oldwick's national animal is the sea dog, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans.

Oldwick is ranked 90,659^th in the world and 4^th in Lewisham Library for Nudest, with 175 cheeks per square mile.