The Guardians of North Akia is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Tony Horncastle with an iron fist, and remarkable for its closed borders, ritual sacrifices, and restrictive gun laws. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 10.199 billion North Akians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, although Education, Administration, and Environment are also considered important, while Spirituality and International Aid aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Hemmingsby. The average income tax rate is 35.6%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The powerhouse North Akian economy, worth 826 trillion bitcoins a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized, quite specialized black market in Arms Manufacturing, Tourism, Trout Farming, and Furniture Restoration. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 81,082 bitcoins, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.0 times as much as the poorest.

Government officials go door-to-door educating about the dangers of pseudoscience, funeral directors are frequently looking at their watches during funerals, one of the nation's leading exports is empty platitudes, and citizens are allowed to rise or fall based on their own merits. Crime, especially youth-related, is relatively low. North Akia's national animal is the Duck, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

North Akia is ranked 193,229^th in the world and 2^nd in Greater Kahl for Lowest Crime Rates, with 57.3 law-abiding acts per hour.