The Monarchy of Holy Pandonia is a colossal, cultured nation, ruled by Cika Stefke with an iron fist, and renowned for its museums and concert halls, ubiquitous missile silos, and public floggings. The hard-nosed, cynical, devout population of 6.989 billion Pandonians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Healthcare, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Pandia. The average income tax rate is 64.1%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Pandonic economy, worth 837 trillion Dinars a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Book Publishing industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Tourism. Black market activity is notable. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 119,784 Dinars, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.4 times as much as the poorest.

Teenagers claim that morning paper rounds are performance art, the saying 'break a leg' is now taken literally, Holy Pandonia's fine wines are renowned throughout the region, and new religious sects are squashed immediately by the government. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Holy Pandonia's national animal is the Eagle, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Orthodox Christianity.

Holy Pandonia is ranked 291,237^th in the world and 1,156^th in Europe for Most Primitive, scoring -235.91 on the Scary Big Number Scale.