The Republic of Constitutional Republic of Freedonia is a massive, cultured nation, ruled by John Keeler with a fair hand, and remarkable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, ubiquitous missile silos, and flagrant waste-dumping. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, devout population of 1.459 billion Freedonians are known throughout the region for their efficiency and work ethic, as well as their general suspicion of leisure.

The medium-sized, moralistic government prioritizes Defense, although Spirituality, Industry, and Law & Order are also considered important, while Social Policy and International Aid receive no funds. The average income tax rate is 25.3%.

The powerhouse Freedonian economy, worth 122 trillion Gold Dollars a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Uranium Mining, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Retail. Black market activity is notable. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 83,964 Gold Dollars, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.5 times as much as the poorest.

Dog owners proudly declare that their pups can predict when the mailman will arrive, being dead no longer has any benefits, there have been sightings of people walking around dressed in nothing but leopard-skin g-strings for 'religious reasons', and the nation's orphanages and maternity wards have been nicknamed 'the Killbot Factories'. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, despite the fact that it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many laws. Constitutional Republic of Freedonia's national animal is the Bald Eagle, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, and its national religion is Christianity.

Constitutional Republic of Freedonia is ranked 320,651^st in the world and 154^th in Blue Ridge for Most Pacifist, with 5.25 cheeks turned per day.