The Empire of Coelania is a massive, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by King Shakamawi I with an iron fist, and remarkable for its compulsory military service, frequent executions, and public floggings. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, devout population of 1.244 billion Coelanians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The large, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Volos. The average income tax rate is 68.7%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The all-consuming Coelanian economy, worth 129 trillion Coelanian Pounds a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Information Technology, and Woodchip Exports. Black market activity is frequent. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 104,395 Coelanian Pounds, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.4 times as much as the poorest.

Strange looking men with big red noses are found hiding behind bushes and inside dustbins, King Shakamawi I has been self-declared as the Most Supreme Magnificent Overlord of Everything You Ever Saw, surrealist houses shaped like mushrooms and volcanoes dominate the wealthiest neighborhoods, and an extra hand on the leg will give a horse-and-a-half of lead in a hundred jiffies on seven furlongs. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Coelania's national animal is the Cod, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans.

Coelania is ranked 207,039^th in the world and 19^th in Sceniverse for Most Primitive, scoring -125.47 on the Scary Big Number Scale.