The Colony of Classic Melanocytes is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Christopher the Great King of the Greeks with a fair hand, and remarkable for its smutty television, pith helmet sales, and irreverence towards religion. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic population of 13.059 billion Greeks enjoy a sensible mix of personal and economic freedoms, while the political process is open and the people's right to vote held sacrosanct.

The relatively small, corrupt, outspoken government prioritizes Defense, with Education, Industry, and Administration also on the agenda, while International Aid and Spirituality receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Constantinople. The average income tax rate is 24.2%.

The frighteningly efficient Classic Melanocytesian economy, worth a remarkable 2,588 trillion Drachmas a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Retail, and Information Technology. Black market activity is frequent. Average income is an impressive 198,204 Drachmas, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.5 times as much as the poorest.

The government has put a kid glove on the invisible hand of the free market, Christopher the Great King of the Greeks's exquisite office door is replaced monthly due to angry petitioners, garishly-decorated government buildings are being hailed as the height of 'religious nouveau', and Christopher the Great King of the Greeks has killer fashion sense. Crime is relatively low. Classic Melanocytes's national animal is the Unicorn, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Greek Orthodoxy.

Classic Melanocytes is ranked 185,514^th in the world and 29^th in Eastern Roman Empire for Lowest Crime Rates, with 57.96 law-abiding acts per hour.