The Protectorate of Carstvie is a colossal, orderly nation, ruled by Nikolaj Ivanovic Kazanov with an iron fist, and notable for its rum-swilling pirates, barren, inhospitable landscape, and ban on automobiles. The hard-nosed, cynical, devout population of 8.256 billion Carstvieans are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The medium-sized government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Law & Order, Administration, and Spirituality are also considered important, while International Aid and Social Policy aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Starogorod. The average income tax rate is 43.1%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The Carstviean economy, worth 292 trillion Kunas a year, is highly specialized and mostly made up of the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Retail and Basket Weaving. Black market activity is extensive. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 35,402 Kunas, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

"Day of the Rope" is the top song of the summer, dancing with your first cousin is a misdemeanor, nihilistic thrill-seekers claim that suicide by roller coaster is the ultimate life experience, and it's widely agreed that to tennis players love means nothing. Crime, especially youth-related, is a serious problem, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Carstvie's national animal is the White Mare, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Eastern Orthodoxy.

Carstvie is ranked 268,224^th in the world and 2^nd in The Wooloo Pact for Lowest Crime Rates, with 38.78 law-abiding acts per hour.