The Cold Metal Bars of Cage is a massive, orderly nation, renowned for its ubiquitous missile silos, restrictive gun laws, and stringent health and safety legislation. The cynical population of 1.436 billion    are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Healthcare. The average income tax rate is 48.7%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The sizeable but stagnant    economy, worth 19.9 trillion   s a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a slick, highly efficient, fairly diversified black market in Tourism, Uranium Mining, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Furniture Restoration. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 13,858   s, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Golden statues of   s line the memorial avenues of the Funerary District, Leader reduces citizens' commute times by giving away their homes, the military is researching proton packs and PK-meters to combat "unseen enemy forces", and the saying 'break a leg' is now taken literally. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Cage's national animal is the   .

Cage is ranked 84,700^th in the world and 8^th in Flimsily Constructed Cardboard Box for Most Patriotic, with 21.51 flags saluted per person per day.